Attention Ladies; This One’s For You!

Happy New Year you little gems.

I hope everyone is feeling empowered and beautiful and ready to make 2015 their bitch.

That being said, I am here today to offer what I hope is some valuable information that could save you a lot of Time, Money and Tears. Without any further adieu here in lies the story of the dreaded “Groupon Hair Cut.”

Dun Dun Duuuun!!!

Once upon a time I decided I didn’t want to spend the normal asking rate for a haircut in L.A. before all the holiday hoopla. The Midwesterner in me felt guilty for spending a lavish amount on myself before such an expensive time in mine and my husbands lives.

We were on the verge of leaving for Michigan and Minnesota, taking time off work, and about to spend money rather than make money.

In my heart of hearts I knew I should have just stuck with the original plan, but rather than spend the energy convincing myself and husband why I thought this was necessary,  I decided I would be content with getting the haircut I so desperately needed, but for half the price.

I should mention my hair was in that awkward phase where it’s no longer short, but it hasn’t reached the luxurious locks it once was. In a sense it was what can only be described as the puberty phase. My hair was the girl in the movie before she took off her glasses and everyone realized she had been hot all along. My hair was Jennifer Grey before she got her nose job. Well you get my drift. It wasn’t great.

I did all the things I should have done when researching a random salon to get this cut. I read reviews, I looked at the profiles, and I even walked away, thought about it and came back. At the end of the day I thought ” It’s a mere trim and reshape, how bad could it be?”

As I sat in the chair of a salon that was washing my hair in what seemed like an old timey sink from the 80’s, this was my first clue I may have made the wrong choice. I felt like any minute this woman Darleen was going to pop out from the back with towels in her hands from the drier. Darleen was that family friend my mom made my sister and I go to the first 15 years of our lives. Darleen’s shop was in a strip mall in the suburbs of Michigan. Darleen had really big, ratted, teased black hair. Darlene was Peggy Bundy; tight pants, heels and all.

Ok back to it.

After 15 minutes at the sink and an awesome neck cramp to follow, I explained to the girl that I was looking for a trim. I showed her a picture of Reese Withersoons messy haired looked and said I would be happy with something similar to this. I then proceeded to say I do not want layers because they never work out on me and I always end up looking like I have a shag or a mullet. Lastly I proceeded to say I am still ok with having my side bangs, so if you want to trim them a little that’s fine.

Suddenly there was cutting and trimming and layers started to appear. I questioned the process and reminded her of our earlier layers chat. She said she understood but my hair would lay completely flat if she didn’t add a few for volume.

Mind you I have crazy thick hair so “volume” for me is at a constant %100. I, in no way, need extra volume.

Suddenly my bangs were getting shorter and shorter and she kept staring and cutting, staring and cutting. Final result; whispys! Those weird whispys that occur when hair has been cut WAY TOO SHORT. Not to mention the left side of my hair was longer than the right side. Precious times.

Cue the tears and the crying and complaining and whining.

At this point there was nothing I could do. It was a hideous mullety mess and I was about to greet everyone back home a Merry Christmas with what looked like a haircut being featured as part of a stunt on a prank show. #neverfeltmoreugly

The Monday I arrived in Michigan I did make an emergency appointment at a salon recommended by my mom and sister as one more final attempt to make things right before our busy week ahead. Round 2: Epic Fail once Again.

For some reason the “Business in the front, party in the back” look was not eliminated.  There was some evening out of my oddly shaped sides, flat ironing for a more sleek look and some pushing of my bangs around the front of my face. However I did get to see the Michigan dating pool through the eyes of a 22 year old stylist. So that was a bonus. (Sense the sarcasm.)

I left the salon with my kid like bangs blowing in the wind and I knew the only thing I could do was to invest in a lot of clips and bobby pins.  Thankfully we took lots of pics during this festive time so I can remember this moment for years to come. Yay!

As the holidays past and life settled back to normal in our love nest in Hollywood, I decided to start from square one. I made the appointment I should have originally made and went back to the original salon and stylist I love so much.

At the end of the day you can’t put a price on beauty. If there is something that makes you feel exceptionally beautiful, that’s going to allow you to carry yourself through life with confidence, just do it! There are no short cut for such things. I learned that the hard way.

When I returned to the Ken Paves Salon on Robertson my lovely stylist Mallory greeted me with open arms, patience and a million ideas to get me back on track for my busy year that lies ahead. She is seriously the best and ridiculously pretty, so you know you are in good hands.

It is important to know that Mallory brought my hideous haircut back to a livable, adorable hairstyle. However at that point I was over short hair completely and just wanted to be back to my normal long haired self. With a color change and some amazing extensions I am happy to report my hair stress is over. Bring on the auditions, bring on the meetings!

In the words of my husband ” I don’t know why you ever changed your hair in the first place.”

Thanks honey. Good to know!